Questions? We've got answers.

• Will this hoodie survive the apocalypse?

  Probably not. But it'll keep you cozy while you wait for the end. Non-stretch fabric means it won't give up on you—even if everything else does.

• Can I wear this to a funeral?

  Only if you want to be the most comfortable mourner there. Black, mysterious, and zip-up ready. Just don't zip it all the way—leave a little drama.

• Is this machine washable or do I hand-wash like a peasant?

  Hand-wash only, friend. Think of it as a ritual. A small sacrifice for eternal style. Plus, it builds character.

• Does it come with pockets for my secrets?

  Yes. Deep ones. Perfect for your phone, your keys, or that cryptic note you found on the subway. We don't ask questions.

• What if I never want to take it off?

  Then don't. Loose fit means you can live in it. Gym, street, existential crisis—it's got you covered. Literally.